allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
