You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
