he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
