God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
