Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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