apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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