I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
