I puked a lego.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
