She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
