I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
