im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
