in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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