you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
