her vagine was all disorganized.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
