Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
