I got her a Nickelback box set.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
