Someone shit on the floor
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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