the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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