I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
