I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
