More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
