the condom got lost in my hair
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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