Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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