How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
