You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
