just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize