The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
