I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
