By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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