dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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