I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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