Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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