YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
