my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This house was built for laser tag.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
