fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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