Don't you send me to vm
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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