nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize