The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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