I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
