i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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