You really coming over, don't trick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
