I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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