Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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