why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
