Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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