I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
