What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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