You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
