maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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