if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm always down for nudity.
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