Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
