I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
