I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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