Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
