I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
