Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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