there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
