Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
