i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
