His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
