i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize