i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Say something about gay babies.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
