I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I forget how to act sober
Randomize