I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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