As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
