her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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